My story of hope as one who has lived with Manic Depression

I was diagnosed a Manic Depressive in 1996 and have lived with a form of depression most of my life.

In light of so many deaths from depression these past few years, whether deliberate or an overdose I am compelled to try and convey what it’s like to walk with depression.

Step after each tiresome step one hunched over braces themselves against the bitter cold as they push through the deep snow of an open field on a blustery stark winters day. This is a fairly accurate depiction of a person living with depression who drudges step after step, day after day, through their cold barren hopeless life.

When will the bitter cold end? When will the buds start to appear on the trees with the hope for a new tomorrow? These are questions that many ask for their lives as they push through the ongoing struggles of battles with depression.

To look at me today in 2014 as one of the leaders in my church and at work one would never guess there had ever existed the shadow of depression that hovered at the core of my being. I attribute that to the birth of hope through Jesus Christ which was given to me and has been developed within me over the years.

As a child moving through life searching for love from imperfect parents I was desperately needing help to steady me against the devastating one and half years as the recipient of high school bullying. The only help I found was year after year of drug and alcohol filled days for escape. Depression has always been my constant companion.

On the outside I was happy and cheerful. I knew what to say and how to act in an effort to be accepted and get approval from people. However I always lived with an emptiness inside. I was crying out for love and acceptance. 

My parents tried their best but were always very closed mouth. I only received rules and expectations that I was never able to meet. I was perceived as weak to my father so he pushed me to be stronger through physical and verbal abuse. I was desperate for love and affection and no matter what I received from others it was never enough. 

Sometime through my high school days I vaguely recall meeting with a psychiatrist but I clearly remember what was said to my parents, “she’s a very unhappy girl”. No medication was given.

I remember crying out to my parents asking them why they never would tell me they loved me? And their response was that I had everything I needed and that meant I was loved.

When affection, positive encouragement and love are not freely expressed from a parent to a child, the door for searching opens up and the child must search for it elsewhere.

After returning from running away from home at 17, which was my last desperate cry out of pain to my parents who didn’t understand me, I was bitter and despondent. One argument led to another. When a shot gun was pulled out and pointed to my head, I told my father to go ahead and pull the trigger as my mom stood silent by his side. I was that empty and sad. We all cried as we were desperately seeking relief from the horrors that surrounded us.

Walking through life with depression is like carrying a ton of weight on your back that you can never unload. There was one person in my life that became a life line to me and that was my piano teacher, Lynne Bock. She became my confidant, my friend and a source of hope until I met The Hope of my life.

The only way I can go back into the sorrow of my past is with the confidence of His Present Love. It’s because of the very Love and Forgiveness of Christ that I am able to revisit those sad moments in my life as an objective viewer and no longer bound by the chains of hopelessness and dread that once filled my days.

I would love to say that once I invited Jesus into my life at 24 all depression ceased but that was not fully the case. However, in meeting Jesus I did find Someone Who would not only give me a fresh start by washing all the ugliness of my past away but He also Partnered up with me to teach and lead me in how to become an overcomer in my daily struggles.

At age 38 in early 1994 I had a brain hemorrhage. On Feb 18, 1994, while in a prayer of deep appreciation and love for The Lord’s goodness to me, Jesus gave me a word of hope. He led me to Hebrews 11. He encouraged me to be patient and have faith. Things happened to the people of faith that didn’t always seem to be consistent with the promises given but they needed to rest in God’s faithfulness. In March of that year, after several tests, I was told I had 70% probable MS along with Fibromyalgia, a rare form of Meniere’s Disease, Colitis and IBS. 

The doctors prescribed many different meds, min of 15 at a time, to fight the 5 different diagnosis’ I was given. I had encountered some brain damage from the hemorrhage which effected my ability to cope with stress. That coupled with the effects of the various drugs I was taking I found it extremely hard to focus and to communicate. I was laid up in bed for several years. I held on to the Word of hope from God with all that was in me and I had a Peace that surpassed all understanding.

Throughout my years as a follower of Christ He has provided me several tools to help me as I encounter the trials of life. The greatest of these being His Holy Bible and His Presence. He also has provided a great body of brothers and sisters who love me and accept me just as I am.

My condition was not what my husband of 18 years of marriage bargained for so he walked out on me while I laid in bed questioning what I had done wrong. Depression came along side and did his best to embrace me and lead me down a path of self destruction. One more diagnosis was added to my list and that was Manic Depressive.

I have been challenged as a believer to go deeper than I ever thought possible in exploring the whys and the hows of who I am. God has used the many trials in my life to reveal to me His truth and His warfare in defeating the attacks on my mind.

Even though my mind and body were filled with medicines to cope and dull the senses a warrior still loomed inside. An outside observer would look and see what seemed a physically defeated soldier but I was fighting everyday to keep my head up and moving forward. I was overcoming and pushing through step by step, day by day.

The greatest weapons God has given me in this battle with depression are His Word, Unconditional Love and Hope. These things not only defend our place in His Kingdom but also can be used on the offensive to bringing down forces set up against us.

3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. 2 Cor 10:3-6

When we fill our minds with the promises of God and declare by faith who we are in Christ we go on the offensive and shut the door to the lies of the enemy. When we sit in silence and meditate our search for peace we must search for Christ. He holds the key to our victory. He holds the key to a peace that knows no bounds. 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Phil 4:4-8

I sit and write this paper today with the full diagnosis of MS and Fibromyalgia but I write  not as a victim but as a victor! The Lord has taken me through the flooding waters and the fire that would strive to consume me. 

God has brought me a man after His own heart who adores me just the way I am. He is a man who has partnered up with me in service of our King. 

The shadow of depression has long ago lost it’s power to destroy me. Every now and again if I’m not careful he tries to lift his slimy head to which I in boldness and with confidence step down and crush it with the heel of the foot of My God and Savor Jesus the Christ!

There are a few things/tips, not in any specific order, that I use to help lift my spirits when I begin to feel a bit low.

Get some Exercise- take walks, play golf, tennis etc.

Take deep breaths

Arrange flowers and plants to fill the home with life

Fill your workspace with life, plants, pictures etc.

Make your surrounding less sterile

Play music in the background of your home and at work

Have aroma candles, potpourri, oil jars etc. 

Clean your home or have it cleaned

Make your bed daily, if you can

Take time to organize

A touch of chocolate now and again =)

Treat yourself special

Do something that you enjoy

Take a drive through the mountains, to the beach etc.

See a counselor or a psychiatrist

Pray about the use of Antidepressants if prescribed, sometimes they can be very helpful

Nice cup of tea or coffee

Visit family

Use some nice creamy soaps

Take a bubble bath

Go on a tropical get away

Watch a good uplifting movie

Read a good book, maybe a biography of one who has overcome adversity

Read your Bible, study it 

Play an instrument, take lessons

Paint

Do things that take you out of your mind and that tap into your senses

By the Power of the Holy Spirit resist the urge to

Overeat

Over spend

Become Obsessive Compulsive with anything

Journal your thoughts, dreams, fears etc.

Surrender your need to understand all your feelings

Trust God fully to be with you no matter what you go through

Silence the enemies encouragement for self pity, worry, fear

Reflect on how far you have come in your spiritual growth

Think and pray for those you love

Get out of focusing on yourself and your needs

Pray for the needs of others

Acknowledge the fact that YOU are loved and wonderful 

27 He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' “ Luke 10:27

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

If you are not one who has battled the demon of depression much of this will not make sense. But as one who has and continues to push through the darkness to overcome know this, there is Hope and you can have a fruitful life. Don’t give up!! Get the help you need through Jesus the Healer and doctors that He can lead you to. 

A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. John 10:10

Fake or real- how can you tell the difference?

Recently I was spotted to be wearing costume jewelry mixed with the real thing. How was this found out? Because the person who spotted it owned the real piece and was able to tell the difference. I wasn’t doing anything deceptive I just liked the pieces together.

I began to think about this and felt there was a message to share. God gives us little nuggets all of the time to ponder and with today’s scripture reading He took me further with this thought.

How can you tell a real friend from a counterfeit? Because you know what a real friend looks like. So what does a real friend look like?

Friend- ORIGIN Old English frēond, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch vriend and German Freund, from an Indo-European root meaning ‘to love,’

A real friend is rooted in love!

In 2 Chronicles 10 The new King Rehoboam, King Solomon's son, needed to make a critical decision- how to treat God’s people. For this decision he went to his childhood friends and his father's trusted Elders for advice.

King Solomon’s council recommended compassion and support for the Israelites while King Rehoboam's young friends encouraged submission through violence. 

The King listened to his friends and the result was not one of uniting God’s people but of tearing them down and apart. King Rehoboam had grown up with these “friends”. Their recommendation was not looking out for the benefit of their friend the King. It was not of love for him or for the people of God but of evil and destruction. 

The last recording in the Bible about the King is this..

But the final verdict on Rehoboam was that he was a bad king - God was not important to him; his heart neither cared for nor sought after God. 2 Chron 12:14 

Even though God had His Master Plan at work I wonder if King Rehoboam had chosen the counsel from the Elders if things wouldn't have been different? So what can we learn from this story and costume jewelry?

The King did not have a relationship with God and he did not know what a true Friend looked like. He had not let God build up the foundation of truth in his life so when it came time to discern truth from lie, fake from real he couldn’t tell the difference.

Are you able to know what truth is when confronted with decisions? Do you go from person to person trying to find the answer? Do you do what others say, even though you know inside it’s wrong, just to seek their approval? 

Make God your friend today. He wants only the very best for you. Get to know Him by reading His Word. Get to know His character in the Person of Jesus. Hang out with His kids. Go and listen to His teachers.

Next time when you have to tell the difference between truth or lie, fake or real you will quickly know the difference because you will have lived with Truth, your best Friend- Jesus the Christ!

We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; He's already a friend with you. MSG 2 Cor 5:20

He wants to meet with us

.…this (My Temple) is not just a place for people to meet each other, but a house for God to meet us. 1 Chron 20:1 (MSG)

If I read God’s Word correctly the social aspect is only a small part of gatherings at the Temple. The bigger part is that the Temple or Church is a “house for God to meet us”

How often do we think on our way to church “I wonder what God has to say today??”

Has attending church become just a social place where we go to meet our friends, hear some music and a sermon, eat (at our church) and fellowship after? Is that what God intended church to be?

Think about this, the person sharing from that pulpit is intended to be one whom God choose to speak His Words through. His Voice to the people!

This concept should stir up within us awe, wonder, reverence and maybe even a bit of fear. God, The Creator of the Heaven’s and Earth choosing to meet us, His Creation, corporately where we can hear what is on His heart.

We need to be extremely careful that we do not loose the importance of attending church. If it is a place just to fellowship or a place where we just take our kids so only they can learn about Jesus or we go out of guilt and obligation, then we are missing the mark.

God desires to meet with each of us. He knows our past, present and future. He knows where we need to change and where we’re headed.

Think about The Ark that God instructed Noah to build. The purpose of that Ark was to provide a place where all Creation that was to be saved from extinction could be safe. It carried all of the inhabitants to the place that God had destined for them. All were fed and cared for and emerged only when it was time. 

God gave Noah the directions on what to do and he stepped out in faith and obedience. He shared it with those who would hear and was used to bring safety to God’s select Creation.

Consider our Sanctuary as God’s Ark provided for us today. Where God meets us and we hear what our Creator has to say. A safe place where we can be fed, cared for and learn how to survive. So that when we walk out after a service we are better equipped to deal with all of the challenges this world and our enemy the devil has to offer. Equipped not only to survive but to even flourish in our day to day lives.

Our Sanctuary is a place where we can lift our hands, dance, jump up and down, stand in quiet or fall on our face in worship with thanksgiving and adoration to The One Who has saved us.

Our Creator, in His wonderful mercy and grace, has provided us a channel- Jesus The Christ, through this world’s sin filled tumultuous sea of extinction. He is The Safe Lane that has been opened up for us to travel on and with, towards The Place destine for us for all Eternity.

We need to see our Pastor or Whomever is on that platform teaching as a Voice Box for God. This should stir up within us feelings of eagerness and great expectation to go and hear what The Almighty God has to say.

Those who have been chosen to lead us, like Noah, need our prayers. Though God chooses to move through them to share His Heart and Words, they are still human and need our support. They are confronted with all of the struggles and temptations that we fight daily. None of us are perfect. We are all in this journey together and we need to be supportive, forgiving and an instrument of God’s Love.

What is being shared may not be directly related to what we are specifically going through today but it may be something for us to hold onto for another day. Or possibly it could be for someone else sitting near you. What is being shared should always be consistent with God’s written Word and character.

Here are a few steps we can take to get the fullness out of our Ark experience.

- Be prayed up before you go to church. Ask God to examine your heart to see if there is any unconfessed sin that needs to be dealt with that could block you from experiencing all that He has for you to hear.

- Pray for whomever is preaching that they will hear from God and share His heart. 

- Pray that you and all there will have ears to hear and a heart to receive what God wants to say through His servant

- Enter the Sanctuary with reverence and respect. It is His house where The Creator wants to meet with you.

- Be open and free to express your love and appreciation for The One Who has brought you into safety

- Pray for your Pastor who has been given charge over your growth. He or she has been given a great responsibility to not only hear what God has to say to His people corporately but they also need the wisdom to know how best to share it. 

We need to stop seeing church as just a social event but as a safe Haven where we go to to hear insights from God’s Word and hopefully apply what we learn to our own lives. A place where we can in turn be used by God to speak through to others.

We all have the privilege and opportunity on our own to daily press in to Him. To study God’s Word and hear His Voice moment by moment. Which we are definitely to do! 

But when we gather together corporately we are uniting with others in The Body of Christ to not only encourage each other but to possibly hear a different perspective on something that we read or heard on our own.

Without wise leadership, a nation falls; with many counselors, there is safety Prov 11:14 (NLT)

The Alpha and Omega, Prince of Peace, Creator of The Heavens and Earth desires to meet with each of us. It’s time to put on our Sunday best and go to the House of The Lord and hear what He has to say!!

Let there be light!

Recently I read about a little town in Norway Rjukan pop set 3500, which has been in darkness/shade for 6 months a year because of the mammoth mountain ranges around it that blocked the direct sun. One hundred years ago a man came up with an idea to install large mirrors at the peak of one of the mountains to reflect the light from the sun into the Town Square of Rjukan. Technology was not available for this visionary but now it is. The mirrors have been installed and now the people deep in the belly of darkness have been given light to offer enhanced life through out their winter days. Isn't that awesome!

This makes me think of what God has done for us all. Through mans sin, darkness filled the earth. He saw a way to get the light to us. He came in the form of man in Jesus Christ The SON to bring us His Light! By believing He is truly Who He says He is and receiving Him into our lives The Light not only shines in us and Lights our path but we now are filled with The Light and we reflect The Light from The Son wherever we walk.

Today, let's let His Light shine for all to see! Let His Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control beam through our lives into the darkness around us reflecting His Glorious Light.

6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 2 Corin 4:6

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/361016

TAKING THE TEETH OUT OF THE ROARING LION'S MOUTH

A survivor of Bullying, my true story of forgiveness

...God used the evil that the enemy meant to take me down as a way to lead me to Himself and raise me up....

Growing up I had a pretty sheltered life. My 1 sister was 10 years older so I was pretty much an only child. I was raised to be a southern belle learning all of the proper things to say and do, but nothing prepared me for what was yet to come.

I was a product of Bullying in high school. I was one of those who could get a long with all groups/clicks of people. It started with a couple and grew to be about 30.  These were the mean tough girls in school who carried switch blades and you didn't want to mess with them. The leaders boyfriend began to like me so an effort was set in motion to destroy me.

Girls would wait for me outside my class or in the bathrooms at school to torment me. They’d lay in wait lingering in the shadows by the perimeter of the school and even by my house ready to pounce. They would hurl horrible words and accusations at me. One time at school, during the lunch hour, one girl picked me up by my shoulders, threw me in the bushes and told me she was going to kill me, I was 16.

I did not have a lot of siblings at home where I could learn how to defend myself. So how did I handle all of this torment? I hid in fear. I turned to heavy marijuana use to escape and started regularly skipping school. I inserted myself with groups of boys for protection. I could not tell my parents. I knew they would not understand so I held all of my torture inside.

Up to that point I was outgoing and thriving in school (A,B student), ballet, piano, choir, drill team. Being raised by a perfectionist my home life had its own struggles but I was relatively happy and content. Then everything changed. All of my grades had dropped to F’s. I had become withdrawn and shattered.

This bullying changed my life. It lasted over a year. I finally told my parents and as I predicted they did not understand. Devastated, the next morning I ran away from home for over a week and returned never to be hurt again. My parents went with me to school to talk with the counselors who in turn talked with the girls to stop their attacks against me.

All was restored and all fear was gone, finally I could breath again or so I thought. Thankfully I found out that my conniving enemy had new plot. The girls set out to befriend me with the intent of getting me off campus to kill me. 

Finally I switched schools.  In 6 weeks I brought my grades up to C’s and was beginning to find some peace, as I was no longer being hunted during the school day. However since the girls knew where I lived they continued to pursue me at home.

For over a year now I had lived in fear. I was no longer the carefree bubbly girl who loved life and people. I was Much Afraid (a character in the allegory Hinds Feet on High Places) I had no relationship with my parents who had turned their back on me in my time of need. I had 1 long time friend as all of the others distanced themselves from the object of never ending  torment. 

One day as the girls were in a car following me through my neighborhood, I had had enough, I pulled my car over, slammed on the brakes, parked it and jumped out. They came to a stop. I stormed over to their car and in attack posture I yelled out, WHAT IS IT?? WHAT DO YOU WANT??? They told me that they wanted me out of my town. I told them I lived there and was staying and to leave me alone!

While trembling, I turned my back on my enemy and stormed over to my car. Filled with rage, anger and even joy I threw open the door and got in. I turned the key and drove off. FINALLY I stood up for myself. The bullying stopped! I had reached in and taken the teeth out of the roaring lion’s mouth!

While now victorious on the outside the time of torment had left me as an empty shell. I had to find relief. I had to find peace. For years to follow I wallowed around with Sadness and Sorrow as my constant companions. Drugs and alcohol were my only source of relief. I married and had a beautiful daughter. But agony still remained in the very core of my being.

When I was 23 I met Jesus, The Great Shepherd! I visited a neighborhood church where I heard a story about a Man who loved me just as I was; a cowering, sinner filled with anger and hate. He wanted to give me a chance to do my life over. He offered me a companion to walk through life with, His Holy Spirit. He would give me security and peace. I surrendered all. I fell to my knees and with sobbing from the depths of my soul I reached out and took The Hand of Jesus.

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2Cor 5:17

Over time the Lord brought people into my life who taught me how to forgive. I had to forgive those that had brought me such disappointment and despair, it was a directive from God.

25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.  Mark 11:25

The bars of my soul that the enemy built through fear, anger and hate had now been broken through the power of forgiveness followed by love. This ability to forgive and love did not come from myself but from Jesus who now lived within me.

I began to find the good in it all. Because of those girls I had learned how to stand up for myself. I learned how not to be a victim of torment and abuse. Jesus taught me how to use that inner strength and become a warrior in the Kingdom of God. I was not going to be bullied anymore. The enemy of my soul would no longer have a hold over me or those that The Lord would bring to me for prayer.

I had a future in God’s Kingdom and the enemy wanted to stop me from who I was called to me. But God used the evil that the enemy meant to take me down as a way to lead me to Himself and raise me up.

Bad things happen to good people. We have a choice; to wallow in our bitterness and pain or to reach out to the One Who can set us free from the chains that enslave us!

How about you? Are you in the need of a touch from God today? Is there bitterness and anger in your life that you need to be set free from? He’s there, just a breath away. Just whisper His Name, Jesus, and surrender to Him. Admit your need for Him. Ask Him to come live within you and to give you a fresh new start. Take His outstretched Hand and enter into the freedom He died for you to have.

With my love,

His beloved daughter

Pam

Where is your Tennis Ball?

This is a true story about a woman (me), her dog, her family and an adventure with her God.

Trusting God to provide has been one of the biggest areas of trial for me and yet I have seen Him do it time and time again! He seems to especially like to use the little things to help increase my faith and remind me He is with me. 

I work for a well known Tech company in Silicon Valley. This job involves a lot of hours. I have a husband, adult son and daughter, son in-law, 6 grandkids, involved in ministry in my local church. I have a loving sister, extended family and 1 dog. I was diagnosed with MS and Fibromyalgia 20 years ago. I try to balance my time between all of these various lovely folks, health, ministry and commitments. 

One of the things that often gets overlooked is exercising my dog. One day I was lounging on the couch for a bit, I looked over at my dog and thought, I wonder where the tennis ball is? I was thinking that would be a great way to exercise him, along with spending some quality time together.

My mind was quickly turned to something else so I did not go and look for a tennis ball and needless to say the dog didn't get that special attention.

A few weeks later I had taken time off work to attended a wonderful Joyce Meyer conference. I was focused on Jesus and eager to listen for His voice because I was less distracted by my obligations.

My mother in law had flown down from Oregon to go with me, which was wonderful! After a nice visit I dropped her off at the airport. It was a warm, sunny day so I decided to put the top down on my convertible and go for a drive through the mountains.

Earlier, that day, I was speaking with my son who is a very gifted musician. He was at a cross roads in his life. He had made a decision to serve God in full time Worship Ministry but was unclear in what direction. He had several opportunities and he wanted my opinion on what to do next. We talked about being open to the Spirit of God to lead and direct him.

While beginning my drive through the mountains I asked the Lord to lead and direct me to where He wanted me to go. I had my praise music on loud and was worshipping Him while enjoying the beauty around me. 

He led me to our local mountain range which is filled with streams, Wineries and some beautiful views of the valley. With a feeling of great expectation of what God had in store for me, I felt prompted to go up a road I hadn't traveled for a while. I went about half way up the mountain and pulled over. I looked out over the edge to see the beauty below. I looked around and appreciated the scenery but soon felt led to turn around and go back down the hill. 

I did not feel I had gone the wrong way, I felt as though it was part of the journey and it was time to move on. I went down the road and on to a familiar route through the mountains. I stopped at a picnic ground by the reservoir. While overlooking the water, I worshipped and thanked the Lord for His faithfulness and then returned to my car and continued down the road. He and I were on this path together. I remained open to His leading.

Next I came to a dead end and had a choice, I could take the road that would lead me home or continue on. I chose to continue on. The music had me in tears several times as I was just in awe of His love and willingness to hang out with me and take me for a drive. 

Heading down the road I came up on a well known local Winery. I knew that they had performances there as well as dining. I had heard it was lovely and the gate was open. 

I thought it a bit odd, just for a moment, that in my travel with the Lord I had a desire to go to a Winery but I put that aside and moved through the gate.

I pulled up to the large, practically deserted parking lot and picked a spot to park which was  quite a ways from the entrance. I thought this a bit strange that hardly anyone was there but especially that I chose to park so far away, but I felt like walking. 

What's all of this got to do with a Tennis Ball, you might ask? Hold on almost there.

I strolled down the path looking to see if I was intruding on any activity. I saw a couple with their children strolling along as well so I decided if we were intruding we could all get in trouble together, so that was ok because I wouldn't be alone.

I split off from the family and walked and talked with the Lord while enjoying the beauty of the location and moments of solitude. I walked by a group of young people all dressed up sitting and laughing, obviously wrapping up some event that had just occurred. I asked if it was ok to walk around and they said sure. I continued on and found flowers on tables and champagne bottles set aside, as the remnants of a party. Now I understood why I was able to roam freely, they were waiting to close things down. 

I continued my stroll but nothing really stuck out as a particular "God moment" just being with Him was enough. I had no feelings of dissatisfaction just a feeling of contentment with an underlying inkling that He was still leading me to something specific.

I decided it was time to go back to the car. While walking past the remaining people I asked if there had been a Wedding? They said yes and two were singled out as the Bride and Groom. I congratulated them and prayed God's Blessing on them. I said my goodbye and left. Was that it? Was that what I was being led on this journey to do? It felt good as I was in a place of God's love and joy and was able to share that with others.

As I walked to my car I felt a little sad as I knew our journey was coming to an end and didn't really have that life changing moment with Jesus but I rejoiced in our afternoon together. 

As I approached the car my eyes were drawn to the ground below. There lying on the ground was a new Tennis Ball a few feet by the drivers side of my car. I looked around and didn't see any Tennis courts or anyone in sight. I began to laugh while being amazed at His goodness. I thanked Him for the ball and got in my car. I was quickly reminded of my thoughts about my dog and the desire to grab a tennis ball. I began to see the purpose of the journey. 

He was showing me that He is faithful and will meet my needs and desires in ways that I most likely would not expect. That Tennis Ball was a sign of His provision. It wasn't that I couldn't afford a tennis ball it was a declaration that He was aware of my desires and if I will be open to His leading He will fulfill the longings of my heart.

I was also made aware of the timing of the journey. The leading here and there, the stops along the way. Those moments of beauty and reflection were not wasted. They were part of the path, not only to reveal His Love a bit more each step of the way but also to pace the time to reach the provision.

You see, The Tennis Ball was not there when I got out of the car to go into the Winery. I found it after I continued to follow His lead. He was directing me as I continued to walk by faith while stopping to share His goodness with others along the way. 

This spoke to me about being aware of the opportunities He brings my way. Of taking the time to be used by Him. Then I also realized that someone else at some point was used by God to leave that Tennis Ball right where I would find it. Unless of course it literally dropped down from the sky.

This declaration of provision and fulfillment with joy carried me home. Then I had a sense of urgency to go and share it with my son. He was sitting alone in his room just watching TV. 

I began to share with him what the Lord did for me that afternoon and that this revelation was not for me alone but for him as well. He needed to know that as He allows God to lead him and remains open to be used by Him, that the Lord would fulfill his deepest desires and provide what he needs when he needs it.

This reminder of God's faithfulness was not only an encouragement to me but has been used to continue to strengthen my faith. In a world of financial uncertainty coupled with the responsibilities of my job, my ministries, my health, minimal time with my children, grandchildren, family, friends and dog, God chose to reveal Himself to me through a Tennis Ball.

Where is your Tennis Ball? Is it hiding under a bush, on top of a building, in your home, places in the distance? He longs to lead you and meet your desires. He even stirs up the desires in you in the first place so that you would be on the path He has laid out for you to reveal Himself. This is not only to strengthen your faith but to share His Love and Himself with others a long the way. Choose to walk in thanksgiving today and just see what He will do.

By the way, our dog loved The Tennis Ball. He jumped around filled with joy for a time of fellowship with me and finally some much needed exercise!

4 days turns into 6 months- Thousands healed and saved- and I was there!

When I was a new believer I was blessed to attend a church where a revival broke out in San Jose, California at Calvary Community Church. It was the Mario Murillo Crusade back in the early 80's. It was a crusade that was intended for 4 days and lasted 6 months, an estimated 250,000 people attended. It was incredible, night after night- healing's, salvations, great teaching, worship, people clamoring in to hear the man of God.

Our faith was at the highest like the people in this picture. There was a buzz going on in the bay area. We'd float back to our day jobs with words of excitement and great anticipation about what God would do next. We were carrying the overflow of God's Spirit out to the workplace. It was such an Incredible time to be a New Believer. We had people coming and going from our cubicles where we were sharing the Word of God and inviting them to the Crusade.

What is stopping us from seeing that same mighty move of God today? I believe it's our unbelief and complacency. Overtime maybe things haven't happened the way we thought they should. Maybe God didn't answer our prayers the way we thought He would. So we've become disappointed and maybe even bitter. And/or we began to see success in our own efforts and hard work so we became self-suffiient and filled with pride. Maybe we've just had our heads down and solely focused on the task at hand, either way we've stopped the flow.

If our enemy, satan, can't stop us from accepting Jesus as our Lord  and Savior then his next tactic must be to stop us from sharing Him with others!

Don't forget there is a real battle going on and the enemy wants as many souls in hell as he can get while our Lord wants all to be saved.

Do you remember the mighty things God has done for you? Do you recall the joy you had when He first called your name or the way He was there just in the knick of time, the way He carried you through those trials? Our faith has dwindled by our pride, selfishness and things of this world and we need to get excited again about the things of God.

7 You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? Gal 5:7

4 For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory. 5 And the ones who win this battle against the world are the ones who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. 
1 John 5:4-5

It's time brothers and sisters to say ENOUGH! If we want to see revival in our surroundings it must start with ourselves. Where do we being you might ask?

1- We must humble ourselves before the Great Creator, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Who snatched us from the pits of hell and consciously turn away from the lies of self sufficiency and doubt.

2- We MUST get back into God's Word and build up our faith.

3- We must get back into the safety and fellowship of other believers.

4- We must get back to church and Bible studies and invite others to join us.

5- We must put off our feelings of inadequacy in the things of God, step out in faith and just watch Him show up.

How can we see God move if we don't give Him the opportunity to do it?

Let's pull our heads up from our own paths and start looking around to see where God is moving. Let's open our eyes and look in the eyes of the people He is bringing us to reach for Him. There is a thirsty dry world of people out there who would give anything to just have a drop of the Living Water that lives within us.

8 There was a man in Lystra who couldn't walk. He sat there, crippled since the day of his birth. 9 He heard Paul talking, and Paul, looking him in the eye, saw that he was ripe for God's work, ready to believe. 10 So he said, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Up on your feet!" The man was up in a flash - jumped up and walked around as if he'd been walking all his life. Acts 14:8-10

37 Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Matt 9:37

Let's get excited about our God again! Let's join Him in His quest to save the world from hell. Let's believe that He is Who He says He is and He can do what He says He can do!

Dearest Lord-

Please forgive us for turning our backs on You. Forgive us for taking You for granted and letting unbelief and pride seep into our lives. Forgive us for focusing so much on the task at hand that we've taken our eyes off of You.

Thank You Lord for loving us so much that You eagerly reach out to take us by the hand once more, pull us up, dust us off, give us a hug and join us in our steps of faith. To You be all the Glory, the Honor and the Praise. In Jesus Name, Amen!