TAKING THE TEETH OUT OF THE ROARING LION'S MOUTH

A survivor of Bullying, my true story of forgiveness

...God used the evil that the enemy meant to take me down as a way to lead me to Himself and raise me up....

Growing up I had a pretty sheltered life. My 1 sister was 10 years older so I was pretty much an only child. I was raised to be a southern belle learning all of the proper things to say and do, but nothing prepared me for what was yet to come.

I was a product of Bullying in high school. I was one of those who could get a long with all groups/clicks of people. It started with a couple and grew to be about 30.  These were the mean tough girls in school who carried switch blades and you didn't want to mess with them. The leaders boyfriend began to like me so an effort was set in motion to destroy me.

Girls would wait for me outside my class or in the bathrooms at school to torment me. They’d lay in wait lingering in the shadows by the perimeter of the school and even by my house ready to pounce. They would hurl horrible words and accusations at me. One time at school, during the lunch hour, one girl picked me up by my shoulders, threw me in the bushes and told me she was going to kill me, I was 16.

I did not have a lot of siblings at home where I could learn how to defend myself. So how did I handle all of this torment? I hid in fear. I turned to heavy marijuana use to escape and started regularly skipping school. I inserted myself with groups of boys for protection. I could not tell my parents. I knew they would not understand so I held all of my torture inside.

Up to that point I was outgoing and thriving in school (A,B student), ballet, piano, choir, drill team. Being raised by a perfectionist my home life had its own struggles but I was relatively happy and content. Then everything changed. All of my grades had dropped to F’s. I had become withdrawn and shattered.

This bullying changed my life. It lasted over a year. I finally told my parents and as I predicted they did not understand. Devastated, the next morning I ran away from home for over a week and returned never to be hurt again. My parents went with me to school to talk with the counselors who in turn talked with the girls to stop their attacks against me.

All was restored and all fear was gone, finally I could breath again or so I thought. Thankfully I found out that my conniving enemy had new plot. The girls set out to befriend me with the intent of getting me off campus to kill me. 

Finally I switched schools.  In 6 weeks I brought my grades up to C’s and was beginning to find some peace, as I was no longer being hunted during the school day. However since the girls knew where I lived they continued to pursue me at home.

For over a year now I had lived in fear. I was no longer the carefree bubbly girl who loved life and people. I was Much Afraid (a character in the allegory Hinds Feet on High Places) I had no relationship with my parents who had turned their back on me in my time of need. I had 1 long time friend as all of the others distanced themselves from the object of never ending  torment. 

One day as the girls were in a car following me through my neighborhood, I had had enough, I pulled my car over, slammed on the brakes, parked it and jumped out. They came to a stop. I stormed over to their car and in attack posture I yelled out, WHAT IS IT?? WHAT DO YOU WANT??? They told me that they wanted me out of my town. I told them I lived there and was staying and to leave me alone!

While trembling, I turned my back on my enemy and stormed over to my car. Filled with rage, anger and even joy I threw open the door and got in. I turned the key and drove off. FINALLY I stood up for myself. The bullying stopped! I had reached in and taken the teeth out of the roaring lion’s mouth!

While now victorious on the outside the time of torment had left me as an empty shell. I had to find relief. I had to find peace. For years to follow I wallowed around with Sadness and Sorrow as my constant companions. Drugs and alcohol were my only source of relief. I married and had a beautiful daughter. But agony still remained in the very core of my being.

When I was 23 I met Jesus, The Great Shepherd! I visited a neighborhood church where I heard a story about a Man who loved me just as I was; a cowering, sinner filled with anger and hate. He wanted to give me a chance to do my life over. He offered me a companion to walk through life with, His Holy Spirit. He would give me security and peace. I surrendered all. I fell to my knees and with sobbing from the depths of my soul I reached out and took The Hand of Jesus.

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2Cor 5:17

Over time the Lord brought people into my life who taught me how to forgive. I had to forgive those that had brought me such disappointment and despair, it was a directive from God.

25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.  Mark 11:25

The bars of my soul that the enemy built through fear, anger and hate had now been broken through the power of forgiveness followed by love. This ability to forgive and love did not come from myself but from Jesus who now lived within me.

I began to find the good in it all. Because of those girls I had learned how to stand up for myself. I learned how not to be a victim of torment and abuse. Jesus taught me how to use that inner strength and become a warrior in the Kingdom of God. I was not going to be bullied anymore. The enemy of my soul would no longer have a hold over me or those that The Lord would bring to me for prayer.

I had a future in God’s Kingdom and the enemy wanted to stop me from who I was called to me. But God used the evil that the enemy meant to take me down as a way to lead me to Himself and raise me up.

Bad things happen to good people. We have a choice; to wallow in our bitterness and pain or to reach out to the One Who can set us free from the chains that enslave us!

How about you? Are you in the need of a touch from God today? Is there bitterness and anger in your life that you need to be set free from? He’s there, just a breath away. Just whisper His Name, Jesus, and surrender to Him. Admit your need for Him. Ask Him to come live within you and to give you a fresh new start. Take His outstretched Hand and enter into the freedom He died for you to have.

With my love,

His beloved daughter

Pam